Part 1.
Sometimes I wonder how this whole “writing” endeavor really
started. I have always had a flare for the pen, but then again, I’ve also had a
talent for the penis. As I’m not out there cementing a life as a porn star,
this makes me question why I started writing. But, there’s always time. If ever
a hard day comes when my abs are in true form, who knows what will happen…
Either way, my writing came along somewhat organically. I have
always shared my commentary with friends and colleagues alike over the years,
finding many people promoting I start a blog or pen a book. Growing up in the
oppressive world of Orthodox Judaism, I never had a flare for the teachings of
my childhood. I wasn’t a very motivated child when it came to school, most
often concerned with an overwhelming sense of discomfort with my surroundings.
On a daily basis, I was declared stupid by adults and teachers alike. Never in
my wildest dreams did I think that I would have a talent for anything even
slightly intellectual.
The five years I spent in Los Angeles changed my perspective on
all of this. I may not be a Harvard graduate or an alumni from Cornell
University like Ann Coulter, but I’m also not a ‘Fox News’ correspondent
proving my intellect higher than it could have been. For years in the concrete
jungle of Southern California, friends and acquaintances alike urged me to
start a blog or put the pen to paper. I contemplated this many times, but it
wasn’t until the latter half of my LA stay that got me truly motivated. After a
number of years in the luxury sales industry, I found myself without a job. I
didn’t have a clue as to what I would be doing next. A close friend at the time
urged me to start penning a book. “Write about your life, Raanan. There’s so
much there and if anyone has enough to say that will fill a book, it’s you!”
All of a sudden, my journey had real purpose. “I’m going to write a book.” This
was the next step in my life. Oprah (Lord) knows I have a lot to say and have
experienced a shit ton of crazy experiences. I couldn’t help but think: “Why
not?!” And with that, I began on this journey, remembering that I may not have
a degree from Cornell, but more people (that I like) enjoy hearing me speak
than Ann Coulter...
Finding the right platform to begin this process, I was urged to
find an agent. Acquiring representation in Los Angeles is about as common as
sunlight in Southern California. This is a sought after need of most that move
to town. It would be far easier to find a job waxing a Kardashian’s gorilla bikini
area than procuring your own agent. Everyone wants representation and a level
of infamy in the pretentious place I called home for so long. I didn’t know
where to start and I had no idea what to do. Seeking advice from friends in the
industry, I found myself with little assistance to excelling this journey.
One day, while scouring Craigslist in hopes of a job, I found
myself in the “ETC” section of the site. All of a sudden, I found a job posting
promising everything I had ever wanted. “Sell your Book or Manuscript” was the
posted title along with the financial compensation listed as twenty-five
thousand dollars or more. New to the scene, this promise of quick money was the
most enticing part. True, I’ve never heard of my favorite writers acquiring their
book agents through Craigslist, I was overly optimistic. I wanted this to be
true, so I looked past the initial red flags. David Sedaris, Augusten
Burroughs, and Josh Kilmer-Purcell (My three heroes) never found their literary
routes through Craigslist, but perhaps my journey would be different. As I
clicked on the Craigslist posting, I found the following advertisement:
“Looking for writers that have a compelling story to tell. If you
have a story that you believe in, and you can’t believe it’s not at your local
Barnes & Noble or on Movie Screen, then e-mail me.
“Say in one sentence what your story is about? You can’t… Then how
do you expect to sell your movie or book; You can’t… Do the best you can.
“You could make $5,000, $25,000, $125,000, $250,000, it all
depends on your story and if it connect with public?
“This is not a guarantee you will make it, it means you could make
it, it depends how strong your story is.
“You make money by the number of books you sell, or how much your
script sells for.
“You must be committed and motivated, and have a passion for your
story and believe in it.
“I’ve worked with every and any celebrity that is anything, you
want to work with me.”
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