Part 7.
I wrote Lenny a response, hoping he’d leave me alone afterwards.
As per usual, I was naïve.
“Hey Lenny,
“Just wanted to let you know that I am meeting with agents and
hopefully in the next few years, you will see my book out there on shelves.
“I’m assuming since you never replied correctly to my e-mail, you
would not take on a project without $150.00. This makes me question whether
this was ever for real or always a scam.
“Have a good year.
“Raanan.”
Now I’ll admit that was bitchy, but I was annoyed to hear from him
again. Furthermore, I am often a bitch, so none of this should come as a shock
to my readers. The next few weeks, I began receiving an e-mail a day, offering
to take me on for one-hundred and fifty dollars. Lenny’s e-mails were seemingly
never ending and always offering the same thing. This grew heavy, just seeing
my inbox implode with this crazy person’s continuing level of instability.
Finally I caved and sent an e-mail.
“Hey again, Lenny,
“Regarding your offer, I will NEVER EVER pay you a cent to
represent my amazing story. That’s not how it works, except when it’s a scam.
You, my friend are a scam artist. I’ve spoken to a number of different agencies
that have offered lower retainer percentages to the book with no down payment
on my end. I am more so writing to let you know that you will never see my book
until it’s on shelves. You can kick yourself then for your childish games with
a few hundred dollars.
“That is all.
“Kind Regards,
“Raanan.”
True, this got way bitchier, but I grew so tired of receiving
contact from this book crook. Lenny’s quick response was priceless, however.
Keep in mind that I am not changing or correcting any of his spelling mistakes
or grammatical errors. Enjoy the irony in that.”
“Hey is not correct enlish when writing someone; You’re not paying
me anything, you covering your expenses, which you will find out every agent,
receives expenses, we work for you, and all writers pay from them.
“I reveive them up front, so when I deal with disingenuous flakey
people who can’t make up their mind, like you, I’M covered.
“You wrote me, and asked me what I sold so that’d fine, but you
knew my terms going in, so why bother aksing now?
“However that said, I wish you the best of luck, and by the way,
in parting, please look at all the books I have sold. For $150, that could be
you. I don’t think you’re going to find many with my credits.
“DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN, I’M NOT INTERESTED IN DOING BUSINESS
WITH YOU.
“Lenny.”
I’m not even going
to begin to go into the spelling mistakes here. His grammar is horrifically
atrocious, but so was he. I could have just left it alone, but at this point I
had read several different e-mails from him and was tired of the nastiness.
Still, I was coming down to this George Costanza mess of a man’s level. I
responded to his e-mail with a negative review I had come across (among many)
online concerning this alleged book agent.
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